Abuse turned Affair

I'm 33 years old, married and blessed with a beautiful 2 year daughter.  I'm the first daughter of my mum, and 13th child of my dad. My dad is a traditional ruler in our village with 5 wives.

When I was six, Dad's friend came down to our village from Abuja, and asked to adopt me as he and his wife were still hoping to have a child. Dad didn't have any issues with that, because his friend promised to give me the best education and care. 

My mum on the other hand wasn't happy with the development, but for a brighter future she agreed.
Life with my new family was heaven on Earth! Nice environment, good school, and everything I could imagine. I can't remember clearly how it started, but I knew I was eight years old when dad's friend asked me to play with his breast. His wife was not at home that day, and I innocently did this while he masturbated. You might ask how I knew masturbated? Well, he made a weird sound when about to cum. This I got to realize as I grew older.

After months of playing with breast it finally turned to him penetrating me. He defiled me! I hated everything about him, and about myself. 
I tried hard to avoid him coming close. The more I did, the more it turned him on. As time went by, I let him have his way with me, and it went on for years till I began to enjoy the affair.

After gaining admission into the university, I went back to my parents house. But within each break I still go and spend some time with them. Not to forget that Dad's friend always visited me in school. He logged in hotels for few days, and go back home.

Being in a relationship was challenging for me. Rich and handsome men ask me out, I agree to date them, but they don't turn me on. I get turned on just at the sight of dad's friend or any old man. 

I married 3 years ago, after lots of pressure that I wasn't getting any younger. But honestly, I still sneak out with him. The man I'm married to his 10 years older than me, but it's not enough to excite me. 
I'm down, I can't tell my family or my husband. I don't want to do it anymore, but I find myself there whenever he calls.