How do I know I am in a Toxic Relationship

2021-09-13

Love is a beautiful feeling. Falling in love with someone who loves you back can be thrilling, but being in love with the wrong person can take a toll on your life, physical and mental health. When you are in a healthy relationship where the primary goals of both parties are to support and see each other grow can make all the difference in your life. A healthy relationship makes things work without draining your energy. While there are moments in the relationship where you disagree or have a misunderstanding, two people in a healthy relationship enjoy each other’s company, make decisions together, and always discuss issues that arise

Many people go out of their way in search of love and companionship but mostly end up with partners with all the red cards, but they don’t see it as a big deal.  Do you think you are in a toxic relationship but not sure if it’s a toxic one? While some unhealthy relationships don’t ultimately present themselves as toxic, some can be subtle or clear. However, it is crucial to know the signs that indicate if you or your partner is exhibiting toxicity in your relationship.

Here are some crucial signs that show you are in a toxic relationship.

1. Trust issues

Every relationship is built on trust; when your partner starts doubting your loyalty, like suspecting every opposite gender around you, keeps discussing your past relationships, hack your phones and social media to track conversations. It may seem harmless to you or a sign of how much they love you, and it’s important to call their attention to the issue and know why they feel that way before it gets out of hand.

2. Not supportive

The goal of every relationship is to have a supportive partner with the same common goal of attaining great heights. If your partner doesn’t support or talk down on your goals like it’s not essential, that right there is a red flag. A relationship is a partnership, not a competition; if your success becomes a threat to your partner or doesn’t have your back when needed, that is toxicity.

3. Unhealthy communication

Communication is the bedrock in relationships; when conversations with your partner hurt all the time, instead of kindness, it’s more of hostility or criticism. When healthy conversations become a challenge to the level of avoiding communicating with each other, it’s a red flag.

4. Invalidating feelings

Relationships always have their high and low moments. Suppose your partner sees nothing wrong in something you discuss with them rather than acknowledge or discuss your feelings. In that case, they make it look like you are overreacting and blame you for the way you feel. When it becomes a routine in your relationship, that relationship is toxic.

5. Controlling

No one wants a controlling partner; it's purely unhealthy when a partner exerts excess control in a relationship. When your partner begins to question where you are and insists on speaking with the person near you, unnecessarily upset for not replying to their texts or picking their calls on time, these controlling behaviours can be signs of toxicity in relationships.

6. Disrespect

Disrespect can be in different forms, but when your partner forgets or shows up late for important events, shows little to no interest in discussions, and addresses you rudely in public places. These and other behaviours are a red flag.

7. Hostility

When your partner doesn’t let go of grudges even after apologizing, you find ways to drop them during good moments. This is often very tricky as you may want to blame and fault yourself for their actions; however, the longer the resentment, the more it builds up and frustrates the other person's effort.

8. Tension

Tension is neither good for relationships or individuals. When you consistently find yourself on edge and been away from them makes you feel relaxed or better, that’s unhealthy and can affect your mental wellbeing.

9. Becoming extra careful

When you are extra cautious around your partner, not sure if bringing up a discussion will upset them or lead to another issue. That’s something you shouldn’t brush aside.

10. Losing yourself

When in a toxic relationship, you tend to lose your true self, like giving up on hobbies that make you happy, pay little to no attention to your look, loved ones, and health.

11. Hoping for change

You are in the relationship because you believe in your partner’s potential, but hope that if you stay and do things the way they want, even when it’s not healthy, he will change eventually.

 

In conclusion

Making a relationship work can be tasking, but it’s worth the try. These are few things to consider for a healthy relationship.

  • Learn to take responsibility for your actions and work towards a change.
  • Instead of blaming each other, work towards learning and understanding one another.
  • Talk to a friend or go for counselling.
  • Learn to leave issues in the past and look forward to a better future.
  • If moving forward requires you and your partner to see a therapist, do it.